What makes a mother?
Aug. 20th, 2011 10:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
siehnThis is one of the rare real-life posts from me. Ignore it if you'd like, but it's something I needed to...Write down? To just share?
I don't know. It's about mothers, and what makes them, and how you don't have to have had a child to be one.
I've been thinking a lot on this subject. There's a reason for that.
The backstory:
There's this mother, right, and she's 25 years old; the mother of a 5 year old little girl who is beautiful, and talented, and amazing. For the first three years of the little girl's life, her mother was there. She made an effort; she spent time with her, and took care of her, and was there, for the most part.
The little girl, just so you know, lives with her grandmother and her aunt. There's only one year of her life that she didn't.
When the little girl turned four years old, and then five, her mother just...Stopped. It was like she was trying for The Teenage Years V 2.0. Those weren't good times for anyone, and now isn't any different.
The mother decides first that maybe she can get a job at this one place, a sort of secretarial job late at night, right, only this place ends up being investigated by the Feds for all sorts of bad stuff, so she gets fired, and actually stays away. (Only after being slammed into the ground with a gun at her head, mind you.) Then she seems to decide guys are more important that spending time with her daughter, who loves her, and asks for her all the time.
That isn't even mentioning the drugs --pain pills-- and how feeding her daughter comes in second to getting her fix. The little girl got kicked out of Pre-K because the mother wouldn't take her to school. The Aunt bought her school supplies this year, and the Grandmother bought the clothes.
The mother did nothing but complain that she didn't get money. She sends her daughter downstairs whenever the little girl makes any kind of attempt to stay up there with her. The little girl doesn't bother anymore.
------
The little girl is my niece, and the light of my life. I've been there since the day she was born, and I'll be there until the day I die. I'm more of a mother to her than her own, and to me...I don't see the right my sister has to call herself a mother.
Going by the example set forth by our mother...No. My Mother sacrificed so much for us, still does, and she never, ever asked for anything in return. She's always been there, and I know without a doubt that she will continue to be for as long as she's able. She's always put us first, even before herself, in all matters, and I can't help but wonder how my sister doesn't get it.
She was there first. The things she watched our mother go through just for her sake? How could she do any less for her own daughter? It's like she's just stopped caring, and I don't understand it.
I would do anything for that kid; sacrifice anything, at all, just to make sure she's safe, and happy, and doesn't know suffering. She will never know what it is to be really hungry, or so scared you can't stand anyone to touch you because you were exposed to the worst of someone, or just. Any of it, if I have anything to say about it.
And I do, is the thing. She's not just my 'niece' to me. She's mine. I didn't have her; she didn't come from me, but I've had a hand in the five years of her life, and I love her so much it hurts, sometimes.
And yet it's the one who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'mother' who gets the title. That's okay, though. I'll let my sister have 'mother' because my niece just calls me 'hers'. I can live with that.
I don't know. It's about mothers, and what makes them, and how you don't have to have had a child to be one.
I've been thinking a lot on this subject. There's a reason for that.
The backstory:
There's this mother, right, and she's 25 years old; the mother of a 5 year old little girl who is beautiful, and talented, and amazing. For the first three years of the little girl's life, her mother was there. She made an effort; she spent time with her, and took care of her, and was there, for the most part.
The little girl, just so you know, lives with her grandmother and her aunt. There's only one year of her life that she didn't.
When the little girl turned four years old, and then five, her mother just...Stopped. It was like she was trying for The Teenage Years V 2.0. Those weren't good times for anyone, and now isn't any different.
The mother decides first that maybe she can get a job at this one place, a sort of secretarial job late at night, right, only this place ends up being investigated by the Feds for all sorts of bad stuff, so she gets fired, and actually stays away. (Only after being slammed into the ground with a gun at her head, mind you.) Then she seems to decide guys are more important that spending time with her daughter, who loves her, and asks for her all the time.
That isn't even mentioning the drugs --pain pills-- and how feeding her daughter comes in second to getting her fix. The little girl got kicked out of Pre-K because the mother wouldn't take her to school. The Aunt bought her school supplies this year, and the Grandmother bought the clothes.
The mother did nothing but complain that she didn't get money. She sends her daughter downstairs whenever the little girl makes any kind of attempt to stay up there with her. The little girl doesn't bother anymore.
------
The little girl is my niece, and the light of my life. I've been there since the day she was born, and I'll be there until the day I die. I'm more of a mother to her than her own, and to me...I don't see the right my sister has to call herself a mother.
Going by the example set forth by our mother...No. My Mother sacrificed so much for us, still does, and she never, ever asked for anything in return. She's always been there, and I know without a doubt that she will continue to be for as long as she's able. She's always put us first, even before herself, in all matters, and I can't help but wonder how my sister doesn't get it.
She was there first. The things she watched our mother go through just for her sake? How could she do any less for her own daughter? It's like she's just stopped caring, and I don't understand it.
I would do anything for that kid; sacrifice anything, at all, just to make sure she's safe, and happy, and doesn't know suffering. She will never know what it is to be really hungry, or so scared you can't stand anyone to touch you because you were exposed to the worst of someone, or just. Any of it, if I have anything to say about it.
And I do, is the thing. She's not just my 'niece' to me. She's mine. I didn't have her; she didn't come from me, but I've had a hand in the five years of her life, and I love her so much it hurts, sometimes.
And yet it's the one who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'mother' who gets the title. That's okay, though. I'll let my sister have 'mother' because my niece just calls me 'hers'. I can live with that.
no subject
on 2011-08-21 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-21 10:42 pm (UTC)I went through that...I'm still going through it. But there's a point where I have to realize that my mother isn't going to change and perhaps it's not because of me that she's the way she is...it's because my mother doesn't have the capability. It has taken me so long to even get to this point. If I could call my grandmother 'mother' or 'mama' I would in a heartbeat because she has been one to fill that void left in me from my mom not being there for me...
You're as blessed to have her as she is to have you. And at the end of the day you will both know the truth...
I decided that I wouldn't truly know what 'mother' meant until I actually had babies of my own...because then I would do and be everything my mother never was for those children. They would be my life...just the way I'd imagine a mother is supposed to be.